The thought never crossed My Mind years ago that I would aspire to write not just one book but many books..

Life changes, people change and move away, and now many of my family members and friends has passed away. This has caused thought about My own mortality and the ticking of the clock that I never watched or paid attention to before, ... is getting louder. The one most pressing point in my life now is this ever demanding call from within to tell this story I call "The B***h". The word itself can cause dismay to some and many think of it as a derogatory term refering to Women but I cannot think of any other that accurately describes this person, this entity, this animal. Over and over again for a decade at least I have looked for another term, another word or definition but every morning as I awake this is the first thing that is on my mind. "This B***h", is a novel, a psychological mystery and thriller, a notebook of demonic events one demonic mass of blood, bones and skin that inflicted pain on its elderly parents. I cannot say for sure if the character in my musings is really a Woman, after all its most dominating statement during its entire life was "I never want to be a Mother, I don't want a son or a daughter, ever." No reasoning or explanation why this position was taken at an early age straight out of high school but it stuck with "This B***h" forever and was herself-imposed slogan. In retrospect it was an evolving nightmare that was born in a household of loving parents, in a wonderful community, yet there was hate written all over every wrinkle and fold of the skin of her face, her distorted face permantly fixed in a scowl, a frown, a look of anger and digust. What came over "This B***h" so completely that drove her into a life-long rage of disparaging her parents, her family, her husbands and even childhood friends?.

"Her second husband never had a clue as He was just as lost and confused about marriage and love after finding himself trapped in a life with a woman that had a dark past that she desperately wanted buried and forgottten. Out of desperation for love and respect from his peers He sought to hide what He had found out about "This B***h" that He married. Her hate for Her family became His hate for his in-laws as it was He who had to do the real dirty work to cover up her sins. Her sins against her Mother and Father."

"This B***h", who never wanted to be a Mother, who never wanted a daughter of a son, nor a grandchild, nothing in so far as family appealed to Her. She definitely would never bear a child for her husband who never had a son, a son like every other Man he knew had and treasured. Adoption was never an option or open for discussion. And she didn't allow her husbands to have a dog. It was all about "This B***h", but she really didn't like her husband at all, she was actually quite ashamed of him.

It was her anger and the way that She talked about Men, her brothers, Her Father, that caused Me to pause and wonder "What happened to "This B***h" to make her so unhappy consistently all of the time all of Her life. Her actions and attitude expanded beyond Her parents and siblings and as Her nieces and nephews became adults She gaslighted them all relentlessly about the dangers of knowing or loving thier Father. What was "This B***h" thinking?. She later revealed that She had a plan, a plan for someone to care for Her in Her old age as she became unable to and knowing She would have no children of Her own to care for her. So She choose one of Her nieces to be the one that would best be able to care for Her and enacted one of the most demented and wicked strategy anyone could think of. It would involve Her Mother, Her Father, Her Husband and everyone else needed to know nothing "no info shall be provided to anyone outside the circle". From the surface it may have appeared to be the perfect plan as those whom were not privy to it "deserved to know nothing anyway." But the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened. On the most important day of the execution of this sick wicked plan the one person whom She most feared finding out what was going on, ... appeared.

Backing up a couple decades We find ourselves in the home of a Mother and Stepfather in another state, unknown to what would later come to be, they were now concerned with the pregnant teenager sitting before them, adamant and determined to have the child She was now carrying. This was the one, "the chosen one", chosen by "This B***h" who never wanted a child of Her own who could not ever imagine Herself giving birth to a child, this was the niece that She had chosen. How disappointed She was in Her "chosen one".

This child, this teenager, this young Mother to be, had no idea how many lives would drastically be changed in the coming months before the birth of Her first child.

... .. .

... .. .

To be continued

Journal Notes November - December Twenty Twenty Four