Ray Hobbs The Trials & Tribulations
Pro Se Litigants, .. Contemporaneous Notes
Chapter Fourteen, ... Fathers in Exile
Judge Flannigan, Ron Springer, Dr. Yomii Meeks, Glenn Francis, Marcus R.
... .. .
Marcus R. spoke of His experience with Fatherhood:
"When My Oldest daughter went into her 2nd phase of Motherhood and was making babies with Her 2nd Baby Daddy of her next three children, she was also dealing with Baby Daddy of Her first daughter, she had a lot going on. My Youngest Daughter was off somewhere either with Her StepMother (Marcus's Ex Wife) or the gangster men in her life while I was still deep into Family Court with their mother attempting to correct and restore lost payments etc. By this time I had long realized that fighting for custody for children, negotiating child support or simply attempting to see your children was for the most part a waste of time in Family Court. Attorneys were out to pay their mortgages and their own child support so you were just a meal ticket for most who would ride you until you were bone dry. The eventual evaporated bank accounts and endless days and nights of drama for most men was enough for them to just throw in the towel for the next 18 or so years. Not me. There were ways to circumvent this abuse of fatherhood and the first step was to cut that emotional cord of separation from your children that was strangling you. Vast unknown numbers of men were going through this endless imprisonment of their finances and at the same time being exiled from their children. The playing field needed to be leveled for survival and new strategies implemented to ensure the ability to thrive again. It was like when you buy a new car you start to notice all the other similar models of the same color or style more so than ever before. Suddenly I became more aware of the majority of my friends, relatives and co workers were single parents too and also engaged in some type of conflict or controversy with the other parent. It was as common as going to school Monday through Friday and church on Sunday. Many had no time to look into the rules of the game and simply wanted an attorney to handle everything including their ex if they could afford it or to get as far away from the demon that was withholding their children or simply giving them to other men.
Marcus R. was drained, financially, spiritually, emotionally and He needed help that He could not find in The Misery Industry
... .. .
Time after time, friend after friend, in the grocery store at the nightclub in church everywhere The Misery Industry had enrolled another into their folds. To make a change in the way one thinks about one’s children who have disappeared, out of state out of contact and only now contacted through a Child Support check if contacted at all, was just a pipe dream. It was certainly an earth shaking event in your step mother did not get her child support check, as minimal as it was. The screaming through the telephone the withholding of the children and just the overall ill environment created by this person was sickening. It’s no wonder there was no respect for their father and before they were teens they were mimicking and copying her behavior. If they didn’t get what they wanted when they wanted they called Mom and she would come to get them, if she was in the state or could be found. All of these Men were experiencing the exact same thing and now I understood what I could not before, how could anyone accept that they would never know their child how could they give up and say they had not talked to their child for years. Now I know and now I was experiencing it. We were entering a whole new phase of this long distance relationship that my daughters mother had asked, begged, demanded that I give up on. It is called Parental Alienation.
Parental Alienation is cold hearted abusive last ditch efforts to wipe out the non custodial parent that have become effective and accepted by the children. It is a tough reality to accept but a necessary one to move on with one’s life. After you experience it yourself it is easy to recognize in the relationships of others and you know what they need to hear. It is going to be ugly for awhile before it gets better if it ever does. 99% either move on or go crazy. When you have an alienated child that has begun to abuse you, talk down to you like they are the parent and you are the child it is time to let go emotionally and deal with it intellectually. Not easy this is. Once this has been achieved though it is easier to see clearly where mistakes were made and outcomes can be found. Mental and financial relief is what most need and it’s not something that happens over night but it is possible within a short period of time with the right tools and guidance. I found satisfaction in helping others be it men or women because the victims of Family Court new no specific gender. The Parenting Partnership was not just another fathers Rights nonprofit organization that did nothing but hold weekly meetings to cry on each other’s shoulders. No, this was aggressive no holds barred out of court direct contact with both parents and playing hard ball when necessary, whatever it took. The Parenting Partnership. My children were gone but what I learned from my experiences was invaluable to those who were within the Family Court system or about to become permanently entangled in it.
There was a better way. The Parenting Partnership. Options.
My personal journey through the Family Court system was expensive in many ways including walking away from a $100, 000 a year job that had real security and unlimited income growth. This changed everything in the eyes of the mother of my sons as she was all about the Money. Once I left my 9 to 5 and was home every day taking my sons to school and picking them up every day and had no accountable source of income the game changed tremendously. Their mother claimed to the court that I walked away from my job to avoid Child Support and now she was back to work and facing the possibly of paying Child Support. The home that she thought I loved more than anything was now on the market and the classic cars she knew I loved had been sold. I was operating on a cash only no income relying on savings from previous earnings to provide for my sons and I.
My consulting and advertising experience at a corporate level opened up many doors with no questions asked and I easily demanded and received contracts that allowed me to work remotely or anywhere in the United States. This enable me to work when my sons were with their mother, day or night into different time zones online or by phone and managing my income to ensure that mine did not exceed hers. In addition to the changes on the employment front your grandmothers friend The Judge donated seed money to allow my assistance to other parents to continue. I accompanied some to their court appearances and facilitated negotiations outside the system for cash poor parents. There were a thousand ways better and easier without the drama pain, conflict, domestic violence, child abuse, parental alienation and other wasteful actions that dominated most divorces. At the same time The Childless Aunt was standing on the sidelines raising hell causing even more conflict and disrupting anything and everything she could. Her position was, as was with many women then and now, that men should pay child support, mothers should raise the children, and the fathers can spend time with the children when they are grown. Of course we are talking about a women who never wanted to be a mother yet chose a vocation that directly dealt with families in crisis. She was the last person any family in crisis ever needed yet in her self-fulfilling dreams she was the best thing that ever happened to any of the families she was assigned to assist. Sad but true. This B***h was sic.
To be continued, …
... .. .
... .. .